Today really sucks. I mean REALLY. Its probably been the worst day in months and heres why:
On monday i was really ill, went to the doctors and found out im pregnant! ok... so FUCK! NOT GOOD! Not planned/Expected at all!! Me and matt have only been together 11months. Both me and Matt know we can't afford to have a baby now, we have only just moved into our new place and if we had another baby we would deffo have to move again!! I have only just finished my NVQ and got my qualification, Matt doesnt have a job at the mo, were still really getting to know each other and neither off us want to add pressure to a relationship thats really only just starting out! I REALLY dont want to end up like one of my sisters at 32 with 2 kids by 2 diff dads and 2 failed relationships under my belt!
Im was scared shitless!!
Well anyway, we decided to not think about it on monday and let it sink in and then have a talk the next day instead! So of corse when something isnt said that should be, it dragged on and we didnt actually end up talking about it properly until yesterday.
My mum had Paige for the night last night so we could have a good natter. We have spoken and as bad as it sounds we just dont think the time is right or we are ready And as much as i disagree with having a termination, i just cant have this baby right now!!! Which Matt agrees with.

But then today, i have got out of bed and Matt has done nothing but be grumpy and angry with me!! He moaned at me for not making a cuppa this morning, then he made himself one and not me one! He stormed off into the bedroom and slammed the door behind him. I gave him a kiss goodbye and got a grunt back!! Then we kinda half spoke over Facebook/text and he said sorry about this morning, so i thought everything was going to be fine. But since i have got home its really not!! He is still in a bad mood, pissed off at me about anything! I asked him what he ment by his facebook status (about a TV programme) and he kept snapping about it, i appoligised and he was still going on and on under his breath that i was just nit picking. I pulled him up about it and said to him that i really didnt want us arguing tonight and that im sorry if ive annoyed him, i didnt mean to and that i didnt mean anything by what id asked him!! and he said he was fine and were ok. Then i asked him one last thing about the status NOT nit picking, NOT funny, just a simple question... and he went on one again!! WTF???

Its like he is snapping on purpose to start a row with me!!! As if he has something to say! I have asked him if he wants to talk, or if there is anything on his mind and he says no. But i know him, and this aint him! Its not like him to be so off with me and really not want to talk to sort it out.
Im not sure if its over me being pregnant or what but im really scared now!! Now im thinking it dont matter what i do im going to be in the wrong and that he thinks its all my fault! like i have done it on purpose or something.... What if im going to lose him anyway, now that its happend... My head is so fucking all over the place, and im scared!!!
My best mate is so wrapped up in her own little world because she got dumped over a month ago and she hasnt even bothered to say 'how are you?' to me in that time!!

HELP ME PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :'-(

hes probably freaked out. just do you. if you ffeel you can't have the kid, then abort it. don't base your judgement on a freaked out spouse. do you and do what you think is best.

Guess we were both quite freeked out!! Things cooled off a lot now, got an appointment tomorrow to find out whats what... :-S Just taking it all one step at a time at the mo. And thanks for the hugs! *Hugs back!!* Need them atm! lol xx

Just remember he is going through a lot emotionally, and so are you. You have to expect some highs and lows as far as emotions. Do what you have to do, but make sure it is what you want. This is your decision, and only you know what is right for you. Good luck!

Thanks Tarren means alot!! Im deffo sure im making the right decision now! Im scared, and im scared about all the things that can go wrong! But i guess if worse comes to worse then i aready have Paige! I have tried to get Matt to open up but its like talking to a wall sometimes! I guess he just finds it easier talking to other poeple... :-S

Good luck, I hope it goes well for you. I trust this decision is the right one for you at this time. Just take it easy.
<3

big hugs hun xxx